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My very dear Jenny,
Thank
you so much for your email.
Use your depression by experiencing it
with compassion. Meditate on taking on all sentient beings' depression and
suffering and the cause of that suffering. It comes to you and absorbs
into your heart. Your self-cherishing thought is destroyed. Even the
inherently existent "I" becomes non-existent, the "I" that appears as if
it were truly existent.
Perform this practice with compassion for
others who have more depression than you. Numberless beings experience
depression for many lifetimes, without end. Think, "I am just one living
being. No matter how much suffering I experience, others who are
numberless, have so much more suffering." Think, "By my receiving all this
depression, they are free of all suffering and have all happiness up to
liberation and enlightenment. I experience it for them, and let them have
all happiness up to enlightenment. How wonderful to be able to do this,
because all my happiness is due to the kindness of each sentient being.
They are the most precious objects in my life, from whom I receive all my
happiness."
Then generate loving kindness:
"I must cause them to have happiness and the cause of happiness." They
receive whatever they want and need, all their pleasure becomes the
pleasure of the pure land of the Buddha where no problems exist. They
receive from you the purest, highest sense pleasures, enjoyment, beauty:
everything they need. That causes them to actualize the whole path to
enlightenment. Their mind becomes the Dharmakaya, their body becomes the
Rupakaya. All become enlightened.
Perform this meditation, if
possible, in the morning, afternoon, and night, taking and giving 5, 10,
20 times or more. Spend more time taking. While eating, walking, and at
other times think, "I am experiencing this depression on behalf of all
sentient beings." Think it is not your depression.
Enjoy your depression by
voluntarily taking on the experience for numberless sentient beings and
giving the depression to your ego, destroying it completely. Enjoy
depression in this way.
Think of the depression as purification of
past negative karma, "If I don't experience this now, I will have to
experience the hell realms for many years, so it is good to have it
now."
Also think, "I am experiencing past heavy negative karma.
This is being purified by my experiencing this."
Experience the
depression on behalf of all sentient beings. Use it to purify the cause of
depression and all negative karma. Use the depression to achieve
happiness, like transforming poison into medicine, like, for example,
snake venom that is used for medicine.
Also, use depression to
collect extensive merit. This way your depression becomes like many
hundreds of thousands of prostrations and recitation of powerful deities'
mantras. It becomes like preliminary practices for purifying and
collecting extensive merit, such as by making mandala
offerings.
Work for other sentient beings to collect merit and
purify. Here, you are using your depression to achieve not just temporal
happiness but ultimate happiness. Transform it into the path to
enlightenment. Use it to develop compassion for other sentient beings and
bodhicitta. It is not only the cause to achieve your own enlightenment but
it brings ultimate happiness, up to enlightenment, for all sentient
beings. So, enjoy depression in this way.
At the beginning it is
good to accept your depression, thinking "I deserve this." That can help.
Start with that. Use the depression for meditation to develop renunciation
of samsara, bodhicitta, and right view. This way your depression is used
so as to be totally free of depression forever. It becomes the best Dharma
practice and best way of healing.
Usually, taking medicine
and following psychological advice doesn't do anything for the cause of
depression, although it forces the problem down for a short time. It is
like drinking alcohol. When it is gone from the body, the problem is still
there.
If you have depression due
to a particular reason, for example, a relationship problem, meditate on
that situation. If the depression is without reason, then do the mediation
I have explained here.
Using depression to develop compassion
enables us to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. It allows us
to free sentient beings from suffering and bring them to enlightenment
more quickly. So, enjoy all these benefits of depression, by thinking
about them clearly.
Depression is Good
A student had been
battling severe depression for some time. One day when Rinpoche was
visiting the city where he lived, Rinpoche called him to suggest meeting.
Rinpoche came by his home that same day, which happened to be the
student's birthday. While he was visiting, Rinpoche offered the following
advice.
The first thing is that having
depression is good. It is good because this is a sign of purification, of
having practiced Dharma.
Negative karma gets purified to different
levels. With the first level, you never experience the suffering results
of the actions. With the second level, you experience these results, but
rather than experiencing the suffering result of the negative action for
many eons of suffering in the lower realms—hell, hungry ghost, or
animal—instead, the result manifests in this life in the form of some
problem, such as a toothache, headache, or being criticized by people.
Unbelievably, negative karma manifests as this problem, or even just as
bad dreams, nightmares, often in the form of sickness, failure in
business, some disaster in the family or in one's relationships, other
people treating you badly, abusing you, and also in the form of
depression. This way, you never have to experience the heavy suffering in
other realms for an incredible length of time. Therefore, experiencing
this depression is a positive thing.
This way of thinking can be
related to whatever problems you have so that you feel positive and happy
about them. You should understand all the rest of your problems, whatever
you have, in this same way.
Then there's the next level of
purifying karma. With this one, you do get reborn in the lower realms, but
for a very short time, and the suffering is very light. For example, when
you throw a stone on a rock, it hits in one second, like the snap of your
fingers. Similarly, in that way, all those heavy sufferings for a great
length of time are finished, instead, in that instant of suffering.
Comparing that to heavy suffering for an incredible length of time, even
though one has been reborn in the lower realms—it's very positive, very
good. It's fantastic!
So, there's no question that the problems
experienced in the human realm are an incredibly great comfort, even a
pleasure, when you compare them to those extremely heavy sufferings in the
hell, hungry ghost, and animal realms. The negative karma that one doesn't
have to experience is really fantastic. It's gorgeous! This can be related
to AIDS, cancer, or whatever problems someone might have.
For
example, when you wash a cloth, with water and soap, the dirt comes out.
At first, there is very black dirt. You don't immediately see that the
shirt has been cleaned. But that black dirt coming out is not at all
negative, it's a very good sign. If the dirt doesn't come out, that's not
good. You want the cloth clean, so the dirt must come out. It appears very
dark, black, but it's a positive thing that you are able to clean it.
It's the same when we practice Dharma. At that time, negative
karmas manifest and we can get sick. When one practices Dharma, negative
karma comes out very quickly, to finish. Therefore, one should rejoice in
depression.
The same thing applies to this situation. The karma is
manifested and finished by this depression or other problem. What makes it
come out is soap and water, which here, is your Dharma practice. That's
why many Dharma practitioners encounter a lot of obstacles, sicknesses,
and many other things when they engage in strong practice.
Somebody who doesn't do any practice or purification—butchers and
so forth, who kill so many thousands of beings every day, people who
engage in activities like that—can have a very healthy body, living for
many years. But that is not a good sign. All their negative karma is
stored up, to be experienced in the future for an incredible length of
time. Even when it is not experienced in the lower realms, then it will be
in the human realm from life to life, for many thousands of lifetimes.
This is besides suffering in the lower realms.
The person who
engages in many negative actions—killing and so forth—in this life but
does not do any practice to purify nor engages in any virtuous activities,
these people may be physically well and have a healthy body in this life,
however, this life is very short. It's like one second. If you compare it
with all the future lives and the length of even one lifetime in the hell
realms, it's nothing.
This is the first thing, to look at your
situation positively. You think, "How good to have this depression!" This
also gives you inner strength.
In the Guru Puja, it says:
"Should even the environment and the beings therein be filled with the
fruit of their karmic debts, and unwished for suffering pour down on us
like rain, we seek your blessing to takes those miserable conditions as a
path by seeing them as causes to exhaust our negative karma."
Here,
the way to think effectively is that where you are and what appears for
you is only disaster and unpleasant suffering. Everything is unpleasant;
even the place is ugly and unpleasant. Everything is harmful to you and
everybody is angry at you, dislikes you, criticizes you. They even harm
you bodily, beating you, disrespecting you, and making fun of you.
Everybody in the country, in the whole world even, is negative toward you.
You should look at these experiences as the cause of finishing the results
of past heavy negative karma collected from beginningless rebirths.
In this way, you are utilizing your bad experiences on the
path. Then, bad circumstances and experiences on the path are made
positive. You are turning them into good circumstances. With this way of
looking at the situation, you are always keeping your mental state happy.
This is the correct way of thinking, the way of Buddhist psychology.
You can understand why it is important to keep the mind always in
a state of happiness, and why this is emphasized in the teachings. If the
mind is unhappy, first of all this makes your family and any other people
surrounding you unhappy. You are caught up so much with yourself that your
mind is not open to others. You cannot love others, help them, make them
happy. Your mind is closed, so tied up with your own problems, such as
depression. You cannot even smile at others, cannot even give that small
pleasure to them. So, your unhappy mental state makes other people
unhappy.
But when you enjoy your life, when your mental state is
happy, you have so much space in your mind to think of others, to cherish
and love them. You have room to help others and have compassion toward
others, and can even give some pleasure to others by smiling. You are more
relaxed. You can do your job better. Somebody who is practicing Dharma is
able to continue doing his or her meditation practices, commitments, and
prayers. Otherwise, if your mind is not happy due to depression, even that
practice gets stopped. You cannot recite even one "Om Mani Padme Hung."
There's no courage even for that.
Therefore, when life is
miserable, it is very important to keep the mind happy, by utilizing the
path to enlightenment and thinking in this way. This is one example of
thought transformation.
Similarly, when one has success or some
achievement, there is a lot of excitement at that time and again one's
life becomes unstable. The mind that is not stable cannot practice. You
can't do your meditation, your Dharma practice, and that can become a
distraction.
Therefore, so that a miserable life and happy life do
not become obstacles to achieving the path to enlightenment—to being able
to liberate numberless sentient beings from suffering and its causes and
bring them to enlightenment—one needs to practice Dharma continually.
Neither of these experiences becomes an obstacle if one practices thought
transformation, keeping the mind happy and positive. This keeps the mind
healthy, and from that comes a healthy body.
Every morning when you begin
the day, make a strong determination in your mind, like this: "Whatever
problem I encounter today, I won't allow my mind to be disturbed by it.
I'm not going to allow myself to be weak. I'm going to challenge
it."
Make this strong determination in the morning, "I am going to
be strong," and also make a strong determination to transform your
problems into happiness.
As it says in the Guru Puja by
Panchen Lama Chokyi Gyaltsen, "Please grant me blessings to ensure that,
whatever bad and good appearances happen in my life, I am able to
transform them into the path which develops bodhicitta. By the practice of
the five powers, the essence of the whole Dharma, meditate for the mind
only to be happy."
What this means is one should keep the mind only
happy, with the method of meditation that transforms the mind into
happiness all the time.
Another practice to perform is
the five powers. The first of the five powers is the power of the white
seed. The merit that you collect is like the power of a seed. From it you
experience happiness in this life and future lives. Then comes the power
of the attitude, which means the attitude you have every morning towards
how you are going to live your life. Then the power of prayer, then the
power of putting all the blame on one point, and the fifth is the power of
training. These are just the titles. You should read more about the
meaning.
Think, "Even though the
continuation of my mind has no beginning, what has prevented me from
achieving enlightenment up to now is ego. I have not achieved even the
confidence within myself that, if death comes, for sure I will have a good
rebirth. Because I allow myself to be under the control of self-cherishing
thoughts, I don't have even that confidence."
This ego is the one
that never gives me freedom to practice Dharma, giving me no peace or
happiness, always disturbing me and not allowing me to liberate others
from the lower realms and from samsara. It doesn't allow me to do that and
doesn't even allow others to help me. What makes me harm others and what
makes others harm me is this ego.
Any undesirable thing that
happens in my life is caused by ego: criticism from others, bad
reputation, abuse, anything that I believe to be bad. What makes the
friends I have now become my enemies is ego. Those who are harmonious with
me become disharmonious because of my ego.
Even though I know the
Dharma, I am constantly unable to practice, meditate, even recite mantras
or sadhanas. What prevents this is ego. Ego doesn't allow me to listen,
reflect, and meditate on Dharma. Or retreat, what doesn't allow that is
the self-cherishing thought. Only finding time to do meaningless actions,
never having time to practice Dharma—this is due to ego.
When I
practice, many obstacles arise due to my ego. The ego forces me to break
samaya with my guru, disregard advice, and causes negative thoughts to
arise, such as criticizing and giving up the guru. The self-cherishing
thought creates obstacles for realizations on the path to enlightenment,
and even for the happiness of day-to-day life and success in this life.
This ego obliges me to harm numberless living beings from life to life.
Without this ego, there is only loving compassion and thoughts of
bodhicitta. That means I only benefit all living beings from life to life.
Besides the fact that this ego has been harming me up to now, it will harm
me continuously in the future, as long as I keep it in my heart.
Ego is what obliged me to experience this depression. Like this,
all 424 diseases are the same: they are only due to ego. If there is no
ego, then there is space for bodhicitta to develop.
Therefore, the
meditation for this depression is: Destroy the ego. In your mind, you give
your depression to the ego by thinking, "Let the ego have it. Why do I
need to experience it? Let it have the depression."
Depression
becomes better than medicine for the chronic disease of the mind. This
way, you use your depression for the best healing, the healing of your
chronic disease—the self-cherishing thought—the continuation of which is
beginningless and also the harm one receives from it is beginningless.
Here, depression becomes unbelievably useful, especially for
having realizations of bodhicitta. It is extremely beneficial for
eliminating all the defilements and completing realizations, to achieve
full enlightenment, and to liberate numberless sentient beings who are the
source of one's own past, present, and future happiness—to liberate them
from the suffering of the lower realms and the entire samsaric sufferings
and bring them to enlightenment. So, depression becomes extremely
precious.
The conclusion is that depression is extremely precious
and wish-fulfilling. It is something that we really need.
Dealing
with Depression
A student came to see Rinpoche at Vajrapani Buddhist
center in California, with depression problems. She said she had not seen
a psychiatrist.
Rinpoche asked the student
whether she was depressed regularly, every month or according to some
cycle. She said it was very irregular. It comes for a few days and then
goes. She had never seen a pattern. It had been at a low level for the
past year. Sometimes I just cry, she said, for no particular reason. She
didn't know why she cried, just for some silly reason, nothing important.
The mind says this is very important and she gets angry with herself for
that. She thought she just had to sit still at those times. Rinpoche's
response was as follows.
That is good! That is very good,
otherwise you might waste your time and instead of being helped, there is
more harm.
These days there is another kind of psychology, a new
kind. Some of our students are studying this now, and it is like a bridge
to the Dharma. This is very good, especially for non-Buddhists.
From other psychologists, there may be a lot of harm, danger to
one's life and a lot of negative thoughts get created. At first, you
didn't have negative thoughts toward a certain person, then by going to
the psychologist, you come to blame that person, especially your parents.
They become the root of your life's problems. That is terrible. That makes
you have a grudge against your parents for your whole life and that grudge
makes your mind negative toward them. I don't know what the parents'
solution would be, who they are going to blame. It's very
strange.
The new psychology is very close to Dharma and there is no
harm created, nothing that makes your mind negative toward anybody. It
doesn't involve that. It is presented in a very skillful way.
Some
depressions run like this: We go to sleep and the next morning when we get
up, the depression is just there. At that moment, it is best to sit still,
or just go to sleep. That is the best. If one can't solve it with
meditation, just go to bed. Go somewhere to rest. Otherwise, one gets
upset, and then other people get upset. When you're angry, bad thoughts
can come. You have no control. So, the best thing is just to go somewhere
to rest, drive to the beach or something.
In the case of depression
due to some condition or situation, relationships with others or whatever,
one can apply certain meditations according to the reasons for the
depression. One applies the meditation that relates to the situation. But
since there are no particular reasons in your case, the best thing is to
use this depression for your practice. Use it to develop bodhicitta. That
is the best.
The Guru Puja says,
"Cherishing the I is the door to all sufferings and all problems. All come
from the I, therefore the I is to be renounced, to be given up, forever.
From Bodhicitta—cherishing others—comes all happiness, one's own and
others'." That means all happiness and perfections come from bodhicitta,
from cherishing others. All those good things, every single one, including
enlightenment, come from others. All the realizations we receive come from
others. Therefore, other sentient beings are only objects to be cherished
forever.
Since we receive all happiness, realizations, and good
things from others, now we have to repay the kindness of sentient beings
by helping them. So, how can one best repay their kindness? They've been
millionaires countless times, wheel-turning kings who own the whole
continent. Although they've had that much wealth numberless times, they
still didn't free themselves from the sufferings of samsara. Therefore,
the best way to repay their kindness is to practice the Lam Rim, practice
Dharma. This means transforming one's mind into positive thoughts, pure
thoughts, free from attachment to samsara, free from ignorance, free from
ego. By actualizing in yourself the path to enlightenment, you can
liberate others without difficulties.
Then think, for those
reasons, the best way to repay their kindness is meditation on bodhicitta,
trying to develop bodhicitta. All past, present, and future happiness
comes from others, therefore one can practice meditation on the basis of
this compassion. Then, take all sentient beings' sufferings onto one's own
mind. By generating compassion, one takes all sentient beings' sufferings
within one's own heart and in this way one destroys the ego.
Then,
after the ego has been destroyed, do a little meditation on emptiness.
Just a few seconds. Then by generating loving-kindness, one gives one's
own happiness, merit, and all good things to all sentient beings. By
giving one's body and wealth, there is so much unbelievable merit. Think
that by giving one's body, like a wish-granting jewel, all their wishes
are fulfilled and all merits are given to all sentient beings. They
receive everything they need and want from their point of view. Maybe they
don't know what they need. They need to meet the Dharma, although they may
not have any thoughts of Dharma.
Then, while you recite mantras,
think you are giving them whatever they want, whatever they need. People
don't think of Dharma, but this is really what they need. What they want
is something else. It depends on how much their mind understands Dharma.
Think that having all these enjoyments that you are offering them causes
them to actualize the spiritual path. It eliminates the two obscurations,
they become enlightened, and receive the
rupakaya.
The conclusion is: How
wonderful! So far, I've died working for my own happiness. Nothing
happened. I'm still in samsara. Dying while working for others, this has
never happened.
One generates compassion for others, taking upon
oneself all their suffering and its causes: delusion and karma. Not only
do you take their negative thoughts and problems but even their unhealthy
environments: ugly, polluted, rough, and unpleasant places. For example,
the hell beings' environments, where there is fire and lava, and the cold
hells with their ice. You take human beings' filthy, dirty environments,
full of thorn bushes. You take on those undesirable places to destroy the
ego, the self-cherishing thought.
Think, "I've died numberless
times while working for myself, but I have never died working for other
sentient beings." Now, since every sentient being is the source of one's
happiness, you can experience your depression on behalf of all sentient
beings. In other words, you think the depression is not your depression,
but the depression of numberless beings, and so by experiencing it for
them you let them have all happiness, especially being free from samsara
and all its sufferings, and most especially attaining the highest
enlightenment. How fantastic this is, that you cause this for other
sentient beings! This is incredible. Feel great joy about
this.
Think: "Even the Buddha,
Dharma, and Sangha come from my prayers, purifying my negative karma, so
that I can actualize realizations and achieve enlightenment. All this
comes from sentient beings. So, every single sentient being is the most
precious one in my life, and the source of all my past, present, and
future happiness. Therefore, in my life, there's nobody to cherish except
sentient beings, there's nobody to work for other than sentient beings.
Other than that, everything is totally meaningless. Totally meaningless."
Thinking like this makes one experience depression for others. So,
too, does thinking that because I've been praying in the past for other
beings' sufferings to ripen on me, this is the suffering of others. This
is others' depression. Therefore, this is the most exciting, the most
pleasurable thing in my life, to work for others by experiencing their
suffering for them, and leaving them all the freedom and happiness. Think,
"There's no other way."
The next thing is to rejoice that you have the
opportunity to experience these sufferings. Practice the taking-and-giving
meditation in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Most of the time you
should think, "How lucky I am that I am experiencing this sickness or
depression ,which I made prayers to receive. How fantastic! This makes my
life so rich, so meaningful.
"This is very good. How fortunate I am. How
fantastic that I am experiencing depression on behalf of all sentient
beings. Very good."
After meditating on the immeasurable kindness of
sentient beings, then think how all your past, present, and future
happiness is received from them. Also, think that this is the meaning of
your life. This is very good. It makes a huge difference.
This is basic
psychology. It makes a big difference because so much of our experience
comes from our concept of pain. Suffering is exaggerated by our concepts,
and we can cut down the pain or eliminate it with our
mind.
The purpose of my life is not
just to be healthy, wealthy, have a good reputation, and many people
around me. Even if I have all these things, this is not the real purpose
of my life.
For
example, if there is no good heart, even if one lives for a thousand
years, without a good heart, life is meaningless. Being perfectly healthy
for eons is just useless. There is no benefit for others. Similarly, with
a good reputation. Without a good heart, they are meaningless. Life is
empty, even if one lives for eons with a perfectly healthy body.
Therefore, the meaning
of life, no matter what happens, whether one is healthy, not healthy,
depressed, not depressed, or whatever happens, the main meaning and real
purpose of life is that at the time of death, one's life becomes
beneficial for others. So, even if one has cancer, to make the experience
of cancer beneficial for all sentient beings, you can use it to develop
bodhicitta for the sake of others. You can use the situation to achieve
realizations of the path. Using the experience of depression or cancer to
develop bodhicitta, which means the path to achieve enlightenment, means
your depression becomes the cause of happiness. The depression is used,
like turning snake venom into medicine. When you use depression to achieve
enlightenment, this becomes a cause of happiness for all sentient beings
experiencing depression.
The main purpose of life is to be beneficial for all
other sentient beings, to free them from suffering and obtain happiness
for them. To be beneficial for others means causing happiness in this
life, but not only that. It means also causing happiness in future lives
for others. Even if there is cancer, AIDS, or depression, the purpose of
life is to cause happiness for all sentient beings by experiencing those
things on behalf of all sentient beings, so that one accomplishes one's
work for others. That way, the depression becomes a cause to achieve
enlightenment. The quick path means to achieve enlightenment. If one has
cancer, the same thing applies. You can use it on the path to quickly
achieve enlightenment. Experiencing it for the benefit of other sentient
beings becomes a quick path to enlightenment, because experiencing the
suffering for others is incredible purification. It's very, very good.
Then the other thing is,
it's good to have depression because then you can see other sentient
beings' sufferings easily. You can understand how they're suffering, the
numberless beings who are experiencing depression and those who are
creating the negative karma to experience it later. There are so many! In
this way, experiencing depression and problems becomes a really quick way
to enlightenment.
I think it may even be better
than tantra, in one sense, because tantra does not become a quick path to
enlightenment if it's not performed well with the three principal paths,
if Lam Rim is missing from tantra.
The other thing is when
depression comes, think, "The past negative karma collected from
beginningless rebirths is ending. The karma of this depression is ending.
When depression comes, I'm ending my negative karma. This is purifying my
negative karma." Then rejoice. Be happy instead of regarding it as
harmful.
The third thing about
depression is to think about how it happened. First of all, there has been
ego in past lives, then attachment or anger, the cause of depression, then
depression. Rather than taking it on oneself you give the depression back
to the ego. In the past, due to broken samayas (commitments), depression
happened, or due to having disturbed the minds of holy beings or of a
virtuous friend. These things are the cause of depression, so it came from
the ego.
What caused the depression is
the ego. So, you use this depression like an atomic bomb to destroy the
ego. You give it back to the ego and destroy the ego. The ego becomes
non-inherently existent. Then meditate on emptiness.
These are three basic ideas.
These are very important techniques for transforming suffering into
happiness and peace. The same thing goes for any other problems. You use
them to develop bodhicitta so therefore they are used on the path to
enlightenment. They are used as a cause for the happiness of all sentient
beings.
How are you using the
depression to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible? By using the
depression to develop bodhicitta for sentient beings, you collect merit as
vast as the sky. You purify unbelievably negative karma. This is most
powerful.
The third was is you use the
depression like an atomic bomb to destroy the ego because it was given to
you by the ego. You destroy the demon that doesn't allow enlightenment,
that doesn't allow one to become enlightened, that doesn't allow
liberation from samsara, that doesn't allow any realizations. This is the
doorway to all the problems, all the harms I
receive.
Basically, that's it. The
other thing is to perform some preliminary practices to purify negative
karma, such as Vajrasattva mantra recitation. You can also recite10,000
Samaya Vajra.
Long-Term
Depression
Rinpoche wrote this letter to a person who had
suffered from a low-grade depression for a long time.
It is very
understandable that it is difficult to live in the West, where all the
objects that give rise to desire are advertised constantly, in a society
that puts particular effort into advertising those objects. When you are
living in the family-life environment, also, you must expect hardships.
This involves always fighting with the enemy, your own delusions, and
having to defeat them. You have to do that as much as possible, for your
own benefit, your own good rebirth and liberation, and, most importantly,
in order to bring about all sentient beings' happiness now, in future
lives, and up to liberation and enlightenment. One has to try as much as
possible. It doesn't mean you must succeed all the time. It's as if you
are living in the nest of a poisonous snake. Such an environment is not
like the places where the ancient Tibetan, Nepali, and Indian yogis lived
as hermits, in caves. For example, when you go sightseeing in Tibet, all
you go to see is caves and statues. There's nothing other than that. So,
of course, the overall environment is different, with much less
distraction. Nowadays, there is more distraction in Tibet, since the
communist Chinese brought in movies and other entertainments.
It is very important, too, to
have a stable morning and evening practice. This is extremely important
for stabilizing your life. It helps always to purify and collect merit,
and if you are doing lam rim meditation, this brings you closer every day
to enlightenment, for yourself and for all sentient beings.
Please read the book
that explains where such problems like yours come from, called The
Wheel of Sharp Weapons. Any problem you have, including depression,
you can read about in this book, which explains how to use the problem to
cut through the ego and self-cherishing thoughts. Self-cherishing is the
main enemy to bodhicitta, which is what you need to achieve enlightenment
and to enlighten all sentient beings. This is the best technique for you
to heal your depression.
Try to always have deep in your heart, in your mind,
an awareness of impermanence and death. Death can happen at any time. If
you are able to keep this awareness, it will help you continue to
practice, and will remind you to practice. It will also help stop a strong
desire and clinging to this life, which lead to all the distractions and
interruptions to your practice, to your mind, and to your life, and
prevent you from putting an end not only to samsaric sufferings, but
particularly to the sufferings of the lower realms. These sufferings are
the result of desire. Detachment—renunciation—brings liberation, which
helps to develop bodhicitta, which leads to enlightenment.
After getting up in the
morning, rejoice that you did not die in the night. Rejoice in your
perfect human rebirth, and at having met the Dharma. This human rebirth
gives you the opportunity to create the cause of happiness, unbelievable
happiness. Then rejoice at having met Mahayana teachings, which makes it
possible to achieve enlightenment, and at having met tantra, which allows
you to achieve enlightenment quickly, using every second of your perfect
human rebirth—your one precious rebirth, which is like a whole sky filled
with wish-granting jewels. Without a human body, however much wealth you
have, you cannot achieve enlightenment in this life and cannot stop
rebirth in the lower realms.
Rejoice. This gives you a strong determination to
practice, to live your life in bodhicitta. Think, "I must practice and
live in bodhicitta, no matter how much unhappiness I have, and no matter
how many problems or ups and downs I have with anybody, in any
circumstance or any place."
The most important thing is to make efforts to
develop bodhicitta. No matter how easy or how hard it is, keep in mind the
thought of benefiting others and achieving enlightenment for others. That
is the best attitude to have, toward your family and toward all others. As
much as possible, perform all your other activities with that attitude.
Even if you are just
going to the beach, go with that thought, wishing to benefit others. You
might not succeed all the time, but you must try, since you want happiness
and others' happiness and to eliminate suffering. This is the most
important thing.
If
possible, recite "Om Mani Padme Hung" while meditating on bodhicitta, the
shortcomings of self-cherishing, and the benefits of cherishing others.
Make sure you set your
motivation strongly before going to work. Make sure your motivation for
all the activities in daily life is the enlightenment of all sentient
beings. The important thing is bodhicitta. Set your motivation so that
many actions become Dharma, the purest cause of enlightenment. And try to
control anger by practicing compassion and patience.
With bodhicitta, you
can change your life.
Depression in the
Family
Rinpoche spoke with a student who explained that
difficulties with depression and mental illness ran in her
family.
We need to
see self-cherishing as the enemy. Everything we do should go toward
defeating this inner enemy, and reducing the amount of self-cherishing.
This then gives space for bodhicitta to grow.
Anything that happens
today, positive or negative, if we look at it all as positive then we
don't see the negative. There is no room for the negative, and then we get
happiness. The root is our own mind. When we are mistreated, we are
purifying past negative karma, and it helps teach us compassion, which
leads us straight to enlightenment. Anything that hurts our
self-cherishing mind can help us to actualize the path. When you are
patient with sentient beings, they receive no harm from you. So, if you
put a positive label on all occurrences, the rest becomes
easy.
Bodhisattvas have
no thought that arises for themselves. They only think of others, with
their whole heart: all sentient beings.
If it were a simple thing to remove all the
sufferings from a being, then all beings would be enlightened. Therefore,
even though there are numberless buddhas and bodhisattvas, there are still
numberless sentient beings. This means it is not easy to help others.
Buddha's job is to show us the path, to explain
it.
Battling with Depression
Rinpoche heard that an old
student, who had been battling depression intermittently for some time,
had recently lapsed into a severe depression. Rinpoche wrote him the
following letter, unsolicited.
My very dear --,
Hi! I
heard you went to another realm these days.
Remember many times in a day
that if things can be mended, what is the need to be unhappy? Even if some
things cannot be mended, what is the benefit of feeling dislike and being
unhappy?
Change your attitude in life.
Instead of cherishing the "I," cherish others. For one day, just think of
others. Think only of their needs, their happiness, their liberation, and
their enlightenment. Take that as your object of concentration for that
day. Then try again the next day. Continue like that. Then eating,
sleeping, whatever you do, try to do that for others.
The next thing is, any
negative thought you have—"This is bad, that is
bad"—try to put it
positively, thinking of it on the positive side. For example, when you
think of samsara, think that you can be liberated from it and others can
be liberated from it, because of emptiness. The main reason why you can be
liberated, even from the sufferings of samsara, and others can be
liberated is because things are empty and because of dependent arising.
Those are the main reasons.
If you think of your past
negative karma, do the same thing. Think that it can be purified. Even the
unhappiness that you experience, your depression, through this you are
finishing your past negative karma that otherwise would have to be
experienced as unbearable suffering in the lower realms for eons.
Not only that, because you
made prayers so many times when doing Guru Puja to be able to
experience others' suffering, praying for those sufferings to ripen on
yourself when doing tonglen, you can think, "Now I have succeeded! Now I'm
experiencing depression on behalf of other sentient beings, who are
numberless. Each time I experience this unhappiness for sentient beings, I
collect merit as vast as the sky and it becomes unbelievable purification
of so many lifetimes of negative karma. I will experience this strongly on
behalf of others."
Think: "Each time I experience depression or
unhappiness for others, I become closer to enlightenment. That means each
time I experience depression and unhappiness, I become closer to being
able to bring others to enlightenment and free them from suffering."
What else is there more
enjoyable to experience than this? What else besides experiencing problems
or unhappiness for other sentient beings?
Bodhicitta is the source of
all your happiness and success, and your bodhicitta is the source of the
happiness of numberless sentient beings.
Each time you perform this
practice, you develop bodhicitta. Therefore enjoy your life. Have a good
time and good luck.
With much love and
prayer...
The best solution to purify the
karma of having depression is to do the purification practice of
Vajrasattva. As long as the karma isn't purified, you'll continue to
suffer from depression again in future lives.
Maybe you wake up in the morning
feeling depressed for no particular reason. If you can't solve this
problem through meditation it might help to just go to sleep, or go
somewhere to rest, or take a nice drive somewhere. Otherwise you'll get
upset, disturbing the people around you as well. When you're angry, all
sorts of bad, uncontrolled thoughts can come into your mind.
If you're depressed due to a
certain situation then you can apply the meditation techniques that relate
to that particular set of conditions. But if you just feel sad for no
particular reason, it's best to practice bodhicitta.
You can recite the verse from
the Guru Puja, "Please bless me to realize that the disease of the self
cherishing thought is the door to unwanted suffering." Blame the demon,
the self-cherishing thought, for your problem of depression. Then recite
the next verse, 'Bless me to realize that cherishing others, bodhicitta,
the attitude that leads all mother living beings to happiness, is the door
to every excellent quality."
Another quote from Guru Puja is,
"Even if all living beings become my enemy, may I cherish them more than
my life." It's very good if you can recite these verses daily, especially
when you feel depressed. Then you'll be using your depression to practice
the meaning of these two verses; that all problems and suffering come from
cherishing the 'I', therefore the I is the object to be renounced, to be
given up. All your own and others' happiness, including all the
realizations up to enlightenment- all perfections and happiness come from
cherishing others- bodhicitta.
Because all these good things
come from the attitude of cherishing others, they depend on other living
beings. Therefore living beings are to be cherished forever. You need to
repay the kindness of all these precious beings, to help them however you
can. How best to do this? They've been millionaires countless times,
they've even been universal kings but none of this power or wealth has
freed them from the sufferings of samsara. The best way to repay their
kindness is to practice Lamrim, to transform the mind from ignorance,
attachment and self-cherishing into wholesome, pure thoughts. By
actualizing the path to enlightenment you can easily liberate other
beings. Therefore the best way to repay their kindness is to meditate on
and develop bodhicitta in your own mind.
Taking
Every living being is the source
of all your past, present, future happiness. Generate compassion by
thinking, "I'll take all their suffering and its causes (afflictive
emotions and negative karmic imprints) including the fires of the hot
hells, the ice of the cold hells and the unpleasant, unhealthy, ugly,
unpeaceful and polluted environments of human beings into my heart." This
eliminates the self-cherishing attitude. Once the self-cherishing attitude
has been destroyed do a short meditate on emptiness.
Giving
After the self-cherishing has
been destroyed, generate love by giving your own happiness, your merit,
all the good things you have, including your body, wealth and possessions.
All their wishes are fulfilled as if they had a wish-granting jewel. By
giving them all these things you create unbelievable amounts of merit. You
can recite mantra while they're receiving everything they want and need.
Actually they don't know they really need. What they need is to meet the
dharma. But if they don't understand the benefits of the dharma, they want
something other than dharma.
Receiving all these good things
causes them to actualize the spiritual path, to purify the two
obscurations (to liberation and enlightenment). They achieve the rupakaya
(the form bodies of a buddha) and become enlightened. Think, "How
wonderful it is that I can do all this for others! I've died many times in
past lives while working for my own happiness, but it didn't accomplish
anything. I'm still in samsara. I've never died while working for others.
Even if I have to die for the benefit of others, for them to stop creating
negative karma, to not be reborn in the lower realms and for their minds
to become the dharmakaya and rupakaya and enlightened, it would be
immensely worthwhile.
Mediate on the extensive
kindness and precious of all beings. "Every living being is the source of
all my past, present, future hap. My own future buddha, dharma and sangha
come from purifying my negative karma enabling me to attain all the
realizations and to achieve enlightenment. All this happens on the basis
of other beings. Therefore every sentient being is the most precious thing
in my life. Anything other than working for living beings is totally
meaningless." This includes experiencing depression for them. There's
nothing to work for other than sentient beings. Anything else is totally
meaningless. Experience depression on their behalf by thinking this isn't
my depression but the depression of numberless beings, this is
their depression, their suffering. To give them every
happiness; including freedom all the sufferings of cyclic existence and
the bliss of full enlightenment is fantastic!
Feel the joy of it! This is
their depression, so the most wonderful thing would be to
experience it for them and allow all those suffering from depression to
have every happiness. Then rejoice that you have this opportunity to
experience this problem of depression on their behalf. "How fantastic it
is that I'm experiencing this depression on behalf of all beings!"
Do this practice of
tonglen (taking and giving) in the morning, afternoon and evening.
Think again and again, 'How
lucky I am that I can experience this depression for them. I've made many
prayers to take others' suffering onto myself, so now those prayers are
being actualized. How fantastic this is! It makes my life so rich, so
meaningful! How fortunate I am to experience this depression on behalf of
all living beings."
Think about the meaning of your
life, a psychological method that makes a huge difference because much of
the problem comes from your exaggerated concept of pain. It's possible to
reduce or completely eliminate pain with the mind. "The purpose of my life
isn't just to be healthy, wealthy, to have a good reputation, to be
popular and have lots of friends. Even if I had all these things, it isn't
the actual purpose of my life. Even if I live for 1,000 years or am
perfectly healthy for eons, if I don't have love and compassion in my
heart my life it's meaningless and useless because my life isn't
benefiting others. Leading such a life would be empty. Therefore it
doesn't matter what happens; if in my life there's health or no health;
depression or no depression; cancer or no cancer, wealth or no wealth. The
real purpose of my life is to make my death beneficial for others. Even if
I have cancer, I'll make that experience beneficial for all beings by
using it to develop compassion and bodhicitta, to achieve realizations and
enlightenment." In this way the cancer becomes the cause of happiness.
Depression can also be used to achieve enlightenment to benefit all beings
in this and future lives, especially all those who suffer from depression-
just like using snake venom to produce it's own anti-venom.
You're using your depression to
achieve enlightenment. In this way it becomes the cause of happiness for
all sentient beings experiencing depression. Think, "The main purpose of
life is to benefit all living beings, to free them from suffering and
bring them happiness in this and future lives. Even if I have cancer,
aids, depression or whatever, the purpose of my life is to bring happiness
to all sentient beings by experiencing these problems on their behalf. "
In this way depression becomes a quick way to achieve enlightenment. The
same with cancer. Use it to quickly achieve enlightenment. If it's
experienced for the benefit of others it becomes the quick path to
enlightenment because experiencing suffering for others is incredible,
unbelievable purification. This is excellent!
There was one monk in Thailand
who was walking around the country. He came across a big river. On the
banks of the river was a woman with leprosy, with pus oozing out of her
sores. She begged the monk to carry her across the river. He refused, on
the basis that his monk's vows prevented him from touching women. After
some time one of the monk's disciples came along and when he saw the poor
woman, unbelievable compassion arose in his mind. Without hesitation he
picked her up and carried her across the river, even though her body was
covered with open wounds. When he reached the middle of the river the
woman transformed into Vajra Yogini and took him – not just his
consciousness, but also his body, to Vajra Yogini's pure land. This means
that by now this monk has attained full enlightenment, because anyone who
goes to Vajra Yogini's pure land is enlightened there. Being in a pure
land is a quick way to achieve enlightenment if it hasn't yet happened in
your present life. In this case Vajra Yogini took the aspect of an
ordinary, pitiful woman with leprosy in order to stimulate compassion in
the disciple's mind. This compassion quickly purified the heavy negative
karma blocking him from seeing Vajra Yogini.
In the case of the great Tibetan
yogi, Milarepa, the karmic blocks preventing him to see Vajrayogini were
purified by his pure service to his holy guru, Marpa.
It's the same for you. If on the
basis of feeling strong compassion you experience depression on behalf of
all beings, this meditation of taking and experiencing the suffering for
others is a quick path to enlightenment, just like the example of the
monk. It's a quick way to achieve enlightenment because experiencing
cancer, depression or any suffering for the benefit of living beings is
unbelievably purifying.
Suffering from depression can be
a good thing because it allows you to easily see the pain of other people.
By using your own experience of depression you can clearly feel the
unbearable pain of many, many other people. There are so many people who
are depressed and many others creating karma for future bouts of
depression. Experiencing depression on their behalf might be even more
powerful than practising tantra because if tantra isn't done correctly, on
the basis of the three principal paths, it's not a quick path to
enlightenment.
When feeling depressed you can
think, "I'm exhausting so much of my negative karma to have depression
that I've accumulated throughout countless past lives." Rejoice! You
should feel great joy about finishing the karma instead of seeing the
depression as something bad.
As it's said in Guru Puja,
living beings and their environments are filled with unbelievable problems
and sufferings, coming one after another like rainfall, sufferings that
are the results of negative karma. "Please grant me blessings to see my
depression as exhausting the results of my negative karmic imprints, and
bless me to be able to always transform bad conditions into the path to
enlightenment." You can recite mantra while doing this meditation.
For example when you wash a
dirty piece of cloth, the water becomes black with dirt. You don't see the
black dirt as a negative thing since it means the cloth is getting clean.
In the same way, when you practice dharma negative karmas can ripen
causing you to get sick because you're purifying so much negative karma by
practising dharma. So you should rejoice when you get depressed!
Depression happens in the first
place due to being under the control of the ego, self-cherishing,
attachment, anger, broken vows and pledges and having disturbed the minds
of holy beings and your spiritual teachers in past lives. This depression
is caused by the ego, the self-cherishing attitude and the self-existent
"I". So rather than accepting the depression, give it back to the
self-cherishing attitude. Use the depression like a bomb to destroy the
wrong conception of the I. Then meditate on the emptiness of the
self-existent I.
These are some ways to use
depression to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. By using it to
develop compassion and bodhicitta you collect merit as vast as limitless
space and purify unbelievable amounts of negative karma. It's being used
like a powerful bomb to destroy the wrong conception of the inherently
existent I, the thing that caused the depression in the first place. It's
the demon that has prevented your enlightenment, your liberation from
samsara, all the realizations, and is the door to all your problems.
You can also do some preliminary
practices such as Vajrasattva to purify the negative karma that causes
depression.
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